Really enjoyed this, Staci! It's amazing how much of our trauma and angst we're working through even standing in line at a store.
What I admire most here is how you persisted in telling Janice *your* story even though her interest seemed to be marginal/minimal. If a person doesn't respond with interest to something I have to say, I tend to shrink back into the corner and either I don't say anything else or I start asking them questions about them (which is often their favorite topic). This has made me a better listener, a world-renowned interviewer in social settings, and taciturn about sharing details regarding my life, which is unfair to those who actually are interested.
I also relate to the many maneuvers bigger people like myself have to go through to be smaller or to give the impression of smaller-ness. Throw pillows on couches, the bag or backpack that I carry, blazers, and yes, the color black...all my best friends to bring me comfort/coverage and hide the part of my body that causes me no end of shame.
Maybe one day I'll be willing to wear turquoise or any color brighter than black. But I'm not there yet. Just not there yet. Or maybe it's not my color. But I'm glad it's yours, and I'm glad you are able to flip off the negative messages society sends us and say, "Dammit! This is what *I* want to wear today."
Really enjoyed this, Staci! It's amazing how much of our trauma and angst we're working through even standing in line at a store.
What I admire most here is how you persisted in telling Janice *your* story even though her interest seemed to be marginal/minimal. If a person doesn't respond with interest to something I have to say, I tend to shrink back into the corner and either I don't say anything else or I start asking them questions about them (which is often their favorite topic). This has made me a better listener, a world-renowned interviewer in social settings, and taciturn about sharing details regarding my life, which is unfair to those who actually are interested.
I also relate to the many maneuvers bigger people like myself have to go through to be smaller or to give the impression of smaller-ness. Throw pillows on couches, the bag or backpack that I carry, blazers, and yes, the color black...all my best friends to bring me comfort/coverage and hide the part of my body that causes me no end of shame.
Maybe one day I'll be willing to wear turquoise or any color brighter than black. But I'm not there yet. Just not there yet. Or maybe it's not my color. But I'm glad it's yours, and I'm glad you are able to flip off the negative messages society sends us and say, "Dammit! This is what *I* want to wear today."
Thank you so much for sharing so much of you. And I think you'd look fabulous in turquoise!