Creating a World I Want to Live in

This piece originally appeared in Rebelle Magazine started by my amazing friend, Shannon Ciriano. I’m publishing it here for two reasons. First, so much of what’s going on in the world is an epic dumpster fire. None of us individually can control this.

This doesn’t mean don’t advocate, protest, or donate. Only you know what your bandwidth is for the causes you believe in. By all means do what you can. Just don’t forget to take care of you.

The more of us who practice self-care - and not just the glass of wine at the end of the day/pedicure/massage kind - the faster we’ll reach critical mass in dismantling some of the current efforts anchored in antiquated systems and beliefs that are hurting people.

Self-care, especially if you have trauma in your history, is critical, not only for survival but to have any chance of flourishing. Do what you can but I encourage you to make it a priority.

The second reason I’m sharing this piece is shameless self-promotion. Mother’s Day is a couple of weeks away and the book I wrote that has leveled my self-care up innumerable notches may be something you'd like to gift to your favorite mother or female mentor. If not, no worries. The important thing is that you find a way to take better care of yourself that works for you.

Without further ado…

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When I heard a life coach talk about burning her journals, I literally felt my heart stop. Years and years of pouring my heart and soul onto paper – from expensive leather-bound diaries to dollar store composition books – and you want me to burn them?

Blasphemy!

It took a few months, but the more I sat with the idea, I began to embrace it. Was there a point to memorializing my anxiety, fears, and anger? Because, let’s face it, most journals aren’t filled with tales of skipping through fields of daisies while sipping a martini.

What was I really holding onto?

So, I did it! Years of angst literally up in flames. It was one of the most freeing experiences I’ve ever had.

I continued to journal but grew bored with my own “stuff,” so I stopped. But I really missed the ritual. I mentioned it to my therapist, and she suggested I do a brief morning check-in instead.

As I experimented, it felt like the Universe walked along side me, making suggestions and providing experiences that showed me there was more to it than a simple, “Hey, how are you doing today?”

The first epiphany allowed me to see how I’d fooled myself for years.

One morning, no matter what I did, I couldn’t get my motor started. I chastised myself wondering how I could feel this way after sleeping all night. Then it hit me. I assumed that my fuel tank got recharged to full every night. The more I contemplated it, the more I realized that was a false equivalence.

Along with there being myriad factors that contribute to the quality of sleep, there is also the reality that depending on where my energy gauge is when I go to bed, one night of sleep might only get me to half full. Or even less. This led to me adding an energy gauge diagram to my journal so I could ask myself how much energy I really had.

Over the next six months, I developed a morning check-in process I could complete in ten minutes that focused on being honest with myself about how I felt and what I needed. This leveled up my self-care game in ways I never could’ve imagined, and eventually led to writing this book.

For me, the point of journaling now is to connect with my true self. To increase the odds of showing up in life as the best version of myself, not only for me but for those who matter most. Using this journal grounds me, reminds me of what’s important, and empowers me to set and maintain boundaries that protect my mental and physical health. That’s the kind of world I want to live in.

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Order a copy of the Ten-Minute Self-Care Journal for your someone you love HERE.