A day late is better than never…
The holiday got me all mixed up.
That being said, I thought I’d do something a little different this week and offer some random thoughts. Hope you enjoy.
#1
There’s a reason moving is at the top of the list of stressful life events. I did it twice in six months. Not by conscious choice, but that didn’t change how it affected me. Here’s what I learned. Yes, the physicality of sorting, tossing, donating, packing, and schlepping is stressful. Then there’s the unpacking, which I still haven’t finished a month later. But the mental toll is just as bad, if not worse. Through the last year, I gradually learned ways to reduce the pressure of the timeline. I asked for help, especially when I didn’t want to. I gave myself grace when I couldn’t do something I told myself I should do. I reminded myself it was all going to get done eventually, and found a way to be OK with eventually. I talked to people about my struggle, some of whom had great ideas on ways to alleviate the stress. And when something I really wanted to do – like donate clothes to a specific organization – was not working out, I allowed myself to do the easier thing and dropped them off at Goodwill. I got over the guilt of not posting multiple listings on Next Door or Buy Nothing, and dealing with the inevitable ghosting, because I wanted my things to go to someone who “needed” or would “appreciate” them, and instead took everything to one place to donate. I gave myself permission to spend money on takeout and didn’t beat myself up for not cooking. I found a way to be at peace in the chaos and take care of myself in practical ways. I didn’t eliminate the tiramisu of stress that comes with moving, but I did remove a layer.
#2
I recently talked to a friend who found out she needs a knee replacement and is resisting that reality. She said the doctor had given her some exercises to do and was upset she couldn’t do them. “My body just won’t go that way,” she admitted. I know a little about this having a bigger body that has had its share of physical challenges over the years. I mentioned yoga to her, and she immediately pushed back with, “I can’t get down on the floor.” Neither can I right now, that’s why I do chair yoga, I told her. Sometimes, even within one of those videos there are things my body isn’t comfortable with, so I adjust the posture. During that conversation, I realized I do that with a lot of things. Being fat in America is changing to some degree regarding accommodating bigger bodies, but it was not like that for most of my life. So many times I was healthy but larger taking aerobics or other exercise classes wasn’t always capable of doing it the way the instructor did. So, I figured out ways to get the same benefit in a way that worked for my body. I’ve done it for so long, there is no shame about it anymore. Because that’s what keeps us from looking for those adjustments. The fact that we tell ourselves we shouldn’t be in a place to need them. I call bullshit. We are all worthy of having what we need. There is always a way to get it if you’re willing to look.
#3
Change is scary. The mind finds lots of ways to sugarcoat, adapt and ignore the feelings that accompany change. And let’s face it, since COVID we are all on a non-stop roller coaster of “What fresh hell is this?” Which means our minds are working overtime to make it all OK. You know who isn’t trying to make it all OK? Our bodies. They have no cognition, just a way to sense whether or not it’s safe for us. And change can feel very unsafe. The body sends us messages all the time about whether we feel safe. The problem is most of us, me included, are so conditioned to let our brains override our bodies that we hear nothing. Until the body screams so loudly that we can’t ignore it. Other mammals know exactly what to do when they don’t feel safe. They ward off what makes them feel that way with a stink bomb, venom or bare their teeth. Or they run. Or stay still. Fight. Flight. Freeze. We forget we are mammals. And our fight, flight or freeze may not look like a skunk, snake, or lion, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have the same reaction. Letting our minds override what our bodies are trying to tell us keeps us stuck in survival mode, which causes a whole different set of problems. I have found a way to reduce how much I let my mind control the situation by paying better attention to the messages from my body. I’ve had body dysmorphia most of my life, so it’s been a challenge, but knowing the signs of when my body feels unsafe empowers me to find a way for it to feel secure, whether it be through nervous system regulation, eating a meal, drinking some water or myriad other things. This has changed my life and although I still bristle at change sometimes, I recognize when I don’t feel safe much more quickly now and the fallout is nowhere near as intense or long-lasting. Change isn’t going anywhere. So it’s on me to find better ways to navigate it.
Have a fabulous weekend! See you on Tuesday for a quick Conversation with Myself podcastlette.
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If you’re looking for a way to connect with yourself and take better care of you, check out The 10-Minute Self-care Journal: How to level up your self-care game in 10 minutes a day.
